


What I See

by 37054ljH



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: America is depressed, America stands up for himself, Content Warnings Inside, Coping, Depression, F/M, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Nation bashing, Reader is a country, References of eating disorders, Romance, Suicidal Thoughts, Two Shot, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, and she cares for America
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-09
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-04-23 17:55:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19156024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/37054ljH/pseuds/37054ljH
Summary: They never noticed, and if they did, which America doubted, they didn't care.They never saw past his fake smiles. They never saw the light fade from his eyes. They never saw his desire to hurt himself.They called him fat, stupid, lazy, unworthy, and a waste of space. They didn't know how much their words were killing him from the inside.Everyone, except her.(C/N).Originally published on Wattpad on May 2, 2016





	1. What I See

**Author's Note:**

> This two-shot series contains suicidal thoughts/ideations, depression, and references of self-harm, which can hit close to home for those who have depression and/or self-harm. For those of you who have who self-harm and are thinking of suicide, please find someone to talk to and know that there are people who care about you and are willing to listen. However, if you feel that you cannot handle the content that is going to be explored in here, please find something else to read or proceed with extreme caution.
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!

America wondered how people could be so stupid and inconsiderate, especially countries.

Especially his own former caretaker, England.

Especially his own brother, Canada.

Especially his fellow nations.

Except her, (Y/N) (L/N), the representative for (C/N).

America and (C/N) had been friends ever since they first met each other. (C/N) loved his positive and upbeat personality, and found his habits adorable, and America had been determined to stay that way for her.

But then the insults around him started to get to him.

Just imagine hearing something so horrible about you, one that isn't true in any way, from the very people who you saw as family, or who you thought were your friends.

That kind of thing feels like someone was taking possession of your heart and squeezing it so much until the organ is nothing more than a stump of its former self.

(C/N) was the only one to have noticed his change in character, while everyone else brushed it off as America trying to obtain attention, but (C/N) knew it was anything but. When he suddenly got up and left, with the others not caring, (C/N) hurried after him to the men's bathroom, not giving a damn about privacy rules, and stayed with him until he was numb from crying, and even then, she never left his side.

How was it that one person was able to make so much difference in your life without even trying?

America didn't know the answer to that, but either way, he was grateful he had someone like (C/N). Because without her, he was sure likely to have stopped eating altogether or hurt himself so much more.

America at first didn't tell (C/N) about his self-harming as he didn't like worrying her, but then one day, he was unable to hide them from her.

_Flashback_

_"Alfred, what are you doing?!" a female cried from the doorway to the bathroom. America dropped his razor in fear, horrified that he forgot to close and lock the bathroom door, and now (C/N) had to have the misfortune of seeing him like this._

_(C/N) didn't give him time to respond and hurried over to him, finding disinfectant and bandages and immediately began tending to America's self-made wounds. They didn't speak for a moment, and until she had his wounds tended, she looked up at him, her beautiful (e/c) eyes filled with so much grief and despair that it made America's throat close up. His eyes started to burn, and (C/N) didn't hesitate to take him into her arms._

_He cried and cried into her shoulder, mumbling, "I'm fat and stupid and ugly! No one wants me!"_

_At that, (C/N) gently pulled away and tilted his chin up. America's breath hitched when he saw the loving gaze in her eyes, so genuine and true that his heart began to ache._

_"Do you know what I see America?" she asked gently as she wrapped her arms  around his waist. "I see a beautiful man who can fit in my arms, and besides, I've heard that those who do have a little extra meat on their bodies are experts in the art of cuddling."_

_America stopped breathing._

_"I also see a man whose smiles can brighten anyone's day, and make them feel like they're worth something." (C/N) leaned in to kiss the corners of his mouth, and America felt his heart skip a beat, a feeling so wonderful he could happily drown in it._

_"I see eyes that are as beautiful as the ocean and a cloudless sky, who can make even the simplest of things so beautiful it would take anyone's breath away, even mine." (C/N) gently pressed her lips to America's closed lids._

_"I also see a soul as white as pure snow, who is so beautiful he could make fire look so beautiful and safe. Someone who makes me feel safe when he's around me." (C/N) finally placed her lips on America's, and America truly felt like he was in Heaven, if there was one._

_He didn't feel anything but pure love and bliss. No sadness, no self-hate, not anything negative. Just pure happiness that there was one person who genuinely cared for him and loved him for his upsides and his flaws. Now, he felt like he could take on the world with (C/N) supporting him._

God he loved that woman, and was so glad she came into his life.

Now, nothing was going to stop him from recovering and showing those bastards whose boss.


	2. Disgraces

America held his head high as he walked to the meeting room with (C/N) by his side. (C/N) sent him a loving and encouraging smile, having already been informed that America would show the other countries who the real disgraces were, and of course she supported his decision, as she hated how inconsiderate the others were. The only thing she asked was to step in from time to time, and America agreed, knowing they needed proof to who the real lowlifes were.

Also, right now, America never felt so ashamed to call himself a fellow country.

Now, it's time for the others to get a taste of their own medicine.

As usual, the meeting room was in chaos: England and France trying to strangle each other to death, Italy complaining about pasta, Germany looking like he wanted to shoot himself in the head, Romano trying to get away from Spain, Prussia making a complete fool out of himself, etc, etc. God, now that America thought about it, he really had no reason to be here if all they were going to accomplish was arguing.

And ridiculing him, he added to himself.

America didn't bother to conjure up his "hero" rant and he quietly sat down at a spare seat with (C/N) sitting in the empty seat beside him. (C/N) leaned her head against America's shoulder and America rested his head on top of hers, knowing he needed the support for what was likely going to come next. 

Speaking of which...

"Hey, fatass!" one minor country called out, throwing something (food most likely) at him. However before it could hit America, (C/N)'s hand shot out and grabbed it. Soon after, she glared murderously at the country, who whimpered and began shrinking into himself to escape that look she gave him.

America realized the entire room was now, surprisingly, silent. Looking up, he noticed that every single country stared at America and (C/N) like they grew second heads. America was suddenly angry, the months and months of stress suddenly begging to be unleashed upon the ones who placed it upon him for no good reason.

He didn't resist.

"Are you happy now?" he asked softly, before his tone raised in anger. "Are you happy now?! You've finally got what you wanted, so why the faces?"

Everyone, except (C/N) flinched, not used to seeing, or being the target of, America's anger.

"America, what's the meaning of--"

"This?" America finished for England, his teeth gritting together. "Are you truly that blind United Kingdom? I thought you were smarter than that."

England winced at the use of his actual name, and America knew it hurt his former caretaker to be called that. Good.

"Did you not see how much your words hurt me?" he asked, although knowing the answer to that question. "Every fucking day I had to put up with your bullshit, and not once did you see how it was affecting me. If it hadn't been for (C/N), I would've starved myself because of you!"

Everyone gasped, mortified, but America wasn't done.

"If it hadn't been for her, I would've gladly shot myself right in front of you just to escape from your taunts." America smiled mockingly. "Wow, I never thought you could be so low. Some friends and family you all were." He chuckled bitterly. "I hope you're happy that you almost broke me and drove me to kill myself, but I guess you could say you've killed me, because the America you all know is gone, murdered by your own hands. I hope you're happy that you got rid of that fatass for a country."

"America--!" America spun around and glared at his brother, who immediately shut his mouth upon seeing the rage in his brother's eyes.

"And  _you_ ," America growled, "you, who was supposed to be my brother, who would protect and support me, turned your back on me when I needed you the most. You know Mattie, I thought you would understand, but I guess I was wrong. You're just as much of a lowlife, a piece of shit, as the others! I hope Mother is ashamed of the both of us, you the most, because we both know you deserve it!"

"I--"

"Don't give me that!" America snapped. "From this day forward, I no longer have a brother, for he died on the day the real goofy America died. Congratulations Canada"--America spat out Canada's name with so much venom it clearly took all of Canada's strength to not burst out crying--"you got what you wanted; your brother dead, and the shell of his former self disowning you. Congratulations again."

"Amerique, you've gone too far--"

"Shut up man whore!" France stopped mid-sentence upon hearing that. "Don't pretend you're not as guilty as everyone else! Does this sentence ring any bells? "America's going to get fat if he keeps eating all that junk." or "I can't believe I helped raised him." or I know, "Why doesn't he just go kill himself?" Remember that?"

France was pale. "I-I..."

"You never bothered to see that the only reason I got hamburgers was because I was in a hurry!" America shouted. "Fast foods are only there when you're in a hurry, but you all, being the judgmental bastards you are, never bothered to figure it out for yourselves. That's pathetic if you ask me, and even you know it!"

America snorted in disgust. "You know, I thought you of all people would consider that, or, better yet, be more smarter and more kinder than that, but it was as clear as day that I was. So. Dead.  _Wrong_. So, dear France, why don't you just go on and fuck every whore you come across. That seems to be all you're good for after all."

America's words left France both breathless and speechless, and not in the good way. His emotions were now becoming too much for him, and he had to immediately leave the room. America watched him go with indifference.

"Now, from this day forward, let me announce to all of you that I'm done playing your games. I'm done being your scapegoat. I'm done with the insults. But most of all? I'm done with you, all of you. I'm done with letting you have your way, and I'm done being friendly to you when you've given me nothing in return. Now, consider ourselves enemies as persons!

"I will allow for our trading to continue, seeing as my country needs it, but as individuals, we will be anything but friends, do you understand me?"

No one answered, simply too stunned into silence to respond. America took their silence as a yes and immediately left the room with (C/N) behind him.

Sure, he knew that he was causing more damage than solution, but at the moment he didn't care. It felt good getting all that negative emotion out of his chest, and now he needs to wait for the other countries to realize what they've done before he considers forgiving them.

"Are you okay?" (C/N) asked, concerned.

America smiled genuinely at her. "Yeah, I'm just beat."

"Are you considering of forgiving them?"

"No, not right away. After what they did? It will take me years, many longer than that, to forgive them, and only then when they realize what they've lost, will I forgive them, but other than that, we will never be friends, never again."

(C/N) smiled, accepting his decision. "All right, I'll be with you all the way through this. You know that, right?"

"Who wouldn't?" America asked back teasingly, before he lifted (C/N) up into his arms and placed his lips on top of hers, needing her desire as much as she needed his.

America knew the path ahead was going to be difficult, but as long as he had (C/N) by his side, he'll be ready to take on anything.

For what she saw in him, was the most beautiful man on the planet, whose fire would make even the simplest of things so beautiful.


End file.
